This was how I welcomed 2015. I watched the fireworks through our glass window alone in our room while the rest of the family went up to the rooftop and feasted on a 360 degree view of the whole metro. I told them I’ll just sit it out while they watch upstairs as I got tired preparing our media noche. But the truth was I just wanted to be alone with my thoughts, even just for a few minutes.
I was scared. A big change was coming. The start of 2015 was welcoming me with a big burly sack of problems on my shoulders. Becca, Lyndel’s Ate for the past years, left so she can pursue her studies. Mr. Husband on the other hand, had to look for another job as he had already left his job of 7 years. He was supposed to go into a very promising business that he already set up but things didn’t work out with his partner. I was so scared of what might happen to us. I panicked thinking how our home management will go. I panicked how long can we survive on a single income household. I panicked on how I will be able to parent Lyndel with all these worries.
I reveled at the stillness of the new year. I took a deep breath and said a prayer and cried and cried.
This first quarter happened like a blur. I can’t believe it’s already March and I survived it. We already have a new help around the house (finally). We’re still job hunting and praying for it. As I look back on what happened the past months, I am truly grateful that He has guided me and picked me up when I was down. God held me and comforted me and I felt his reassuring presence. He sure plucked me out of my comfort zone, scared me out of my wits. But now I realize that all these is a part of His grand plan for us.
Losing Becca may have meant that it was time for me to be more hands-on with Lyndel. I must admit, Becca helped me a lot in molding Lyndel to be who he is now – a caring, thoughtful boy. He had to take Becca away so I can stand on my own, even if I’m so busy at work. Maybe God is saying: “it’s your time to really shine Momma”. I still haven’t made sense about the job-hunting part. But maybe I really don’t have to. Maybe I just really need to trust the process, trust Him. Completely.
Update: As of April 1, we are back to being a help-less household again.
I am excited about what will happen next. I can’t wait for His plan to unfold. ☺️
Image source: Unknown via Facebook